Embodied Joy

I was sitting in my therapists office, and as she said the word “joy”, I recoiled. 

“What was that?” She asked. “How do you feel when I say the word joy?” 

“Terrified. Danger bells going off all over my body. Joy brings my guard down, makes me think I’m safe, makes me overly confident, and that’s when the mistakes happen and there’s so much pain.” That was my response. 

We went on to talk about how I WANTED joy for my life, but it felt so incredibly unsafe to me, due to my past experiences, which were still so fresh and raw at the time. I couldn’t actually imagine a life with TRUE joy, where I was safe and thriving, but I determined that day to find proof that I could have it. 

Over the next several months, we kept talking, and I kept working on healing my body, my nervous system, releasing stored emotions, bringing life and movement back into my body and life, until one day, she said the word “joy” again and my body didn’t respond at all. 

“Look at that,” She said. “I remember just a short time ago, you couldn’t hear that word without pulling back.” Hmm. Progress. Interesting. Hope started to creep in, that life COULD be different now. So I kept working, on my mind AND body together. 

I started to see my body as a partner, to see it trying to protect me from danger or pain. I began listening to its messages - when I recoiled or felt lifted and open, when I felt anxious or calm, when I had cravings or couldn’t eat, when I woke rested or couldn’t sleep. My body pointed to something that needed attention in my mind, every time, and as I would heal my mind, my body responded and healed as well. 

I realized that when I tried to force my body into a fitness program or diet, the results were short-lived before I’d break down and return to stubborn habits. Yet when I LISTENED to my body and let it lead my healing, piece by piece, it began to open up, rest, digest, and even thrive. 

I began to have fun again. I began to smell the fresh air again, love to play again, feel like I wanted to be alive again, started to feel like I LIKED my body and myself again - a long way from the deep self-loathing and physical exhaustion only a year prior. 

I knew I had to shift my personal training business to reflect what I was doing now, so much more than inches or pounds or calories. And as I considered names, I searched for what felt true in my body, until all of a sudden, it came to me: Embodied Joy. 

I started laughing hysterically and crying at the same time. JOY - what once I recoiled at the thought of, now runs through my body, lifts me up, gives me energy, weaves through my every day, and I knew - THIS. This is what I want to give to people. 

I continue to practice this every day, letting my body lead my mental and spiritual healing, and finding new levels of freedom and joy that I never knew existed before, and certainly would never have trusted. The healing is deep, thorough, and permanent. There is no going back to the life or body that I had before. 

And as I continued to implement these practices with 1:1 clients, I couldn’t help but feel like this needs to be shared with more people than I have hours in the day for. 

It works, I live it every day, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. 

Once you begin too, you’ll never go back to the yo-yo of diets and the emotional roller coaster of “fitness”. You’ll come out with your body as a trusted friend and partner, always guiding you toward freedom and joy and the fullest expression of your powerful, beautiful soul.